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  • Writer's pictureHayley Marcus

What I Realized While Learning to Love Myself

Can you believe this jumanji year of 2020 is over in a matter of hours? This year flew by (thankfully since it was so insane) and it has been filled with lessons learned, change, and growth.

I am one of the people who have been working from home since March, and there is a lot you realize while it’s just you and those four walls everyday. It’s easy to ignore the things that need to change when you’re busy day-in and day-out. 2019 was my year of internal struggle, physical challenges, and desperate need to change. I was struggling financially. I was struggling with my weight. I was struggling with my self-worth. I, like many others, made a resolution for 2020 to lose the extra weight I gained and to do whatever was needed to be more successful. I was the girl who compared myself to people on social media. I constantly said how horrible or fat I looked. I constantly put myself down without realizing that was what I was doing. But the more you say something, the more you inherently believe it.

January 2020 I was at a point where I refused to step on a scale, refused to look in the mirror, and refused to admit that I could change it all. My weight was just a side effect to my mental health declining. The key to being healthy and happy? Your mindset. I knew that small lifestyle changes wouldn’t stick unless I was in a better head-space.

I used every trick I have learned up to this moment on self development and got to work. Every day i started with affirmations like “I am worthy”, “I am beautiful”, “I am abundant”. I repeated them until I started believing them. Each and every one of you knows yourself more than anyone in this world. You know the things you are willing to do. You know the things that mean the most to you. You know how to become the best versions of yourself; even if you don’t see it yet. I knew that if I bit off more than I could chew, none of the work would stick. I made small nutrition and fitness changes that I knew I couldn’t talk myself out of. I was known for talking myself out of going to the gym because of how busy my day was; so I found an at home workout on YouTube (shout out to Chloe Ting). For the days I almost talked myself out of working out? I would turn on my workout motivation playlist and jam out to pump myself up. And yes….you all thought of a song that pumps you up so make an entire playlist for yourself! Personally I am a dance music kinda girl with a sprinkle of rap music in there.

The most important part of my fitness journey was learning to hold myself accountable and not rely on anyone else to be on the road with me. Once I consistently kept myself motivated, I noticed the pounds come flying off; and man did that feel good. I felt lighter, both physically and mentally. I genuinely felt like with each pound gone, I was that much closer to being my best self again. Most of that feeling had absolutely nothing to do with the actual weight loss but had everything to do with realizing I COULD do it. I noticed as I felt more confident with each day, my house was cleaner, my work was more efficient, and my life just felt better. The moment I realized that my confidence was within myself and not attached to my appearance, I started to glow.

I am still on my weight loss journey and in 2021 I still have my resolution to lose those last annoying 15 pounds; but that’s OKAY. I learned this year that confidence doesn’t mean perfection. Confidence comes from genuine love for yourself. It comes from happiness and truly believing in yourself and your abilities. Confidence isn’t about the clothes you wear, the makeup look you chose, or even about how fit you are. It is all about how your light shines through them all.

Your love for yourself will radiate through and warm others. It will illuminate your own thoughts and be at the core of any life successes. Think of how great you feel when you do your hair, kill the makeup game, and throw on an outfit you have been thinking of forever. That feeling is what you deserve to feel each and every day...and yes, you should feel that even when you’re on your couch in sweatpants and no makeup.

It is far from easy to get to a place where you whole-heartedly love yourself, but the work is 100% worth it. The rough journey leads to the most fulfilling life, and you my friend, deserve it and more. As we ring in this new year, I want you all to truly look within yourselves and make those small tweaks in your life that will build into the foundation of your self-worth. I want you all to love yourselves; and most importantly, I want you to never let anything stop you from loving yourself.

Happy New Year babes! I wish you all the blessings the world will throw at you.

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